


The Educational Freak Show

by vidocqsociety



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-09
Updated: 2011-07-09
Packaged: 2017-11-10 06:03:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vidocqsociety/pseuds/vidocqsociety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock and John visit the Mütter Museum in Philadelphia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Educational Freak Show

"No wonder you like this place," John says when he first sees the wall of skulls. "Think of the monologuing you can do."

A joke. John Watson enters the Mütter Museum and makes a joke. Sherlock can't help but feel pleased. And a little bit smug. Mycroft had made it only twenty paces in before saying (very loudly) that he "wasn't much one for walking today." His pallor told a different story.

"I do not 'monologue'," Sherlock replies. "I think aloud. It's a perfectly acceptable-- _normal_ \--process."

John rolls his eyes and returns to the skulls, fascinated. He is almost against the glass, reading each placard and studying each skull. He mumbles to himself now and then, things like "how sad" or "extraordinary." But mostly he just looks.

He giggles suddenly, eliciting sour looks from the other, more serious patrons. "This one just says 'idiot'." He turns to Sherlock. "Though I suppose with you, they'd all say that."

"I don't have enough data to make that assessment." He reads one of the cards. "Though this one--'hanged himself due to love affair gone wrong'--I would have to agree."

They descend the stairs and into the larger part of the museum. There is a plaster cast of conjoined twins Chang and Eng. Below is their liver, preserved for all time. Specimen drawers are full of interesting things people had swallowed and later had removed: hair pins, carpet tacks, jacks. "Harry ate a marble once," John says, perusing the large collection of safety pins. When he sees Sherlock's questioning look, he adds, "To be fair, I did bet her a pound. But I didn't think she'd actually do it."

They continued to circle the lower main room, discussing the different specimens: the multiple cross-sections of a human head (complete with a preserved face), a giant colon (with Sherlock pointing out the spelling mistake on the plaque), skeletons and wax molds depicting all sorts of diseases and defects.

They come upon the wax mold display of eye maladies. One had a toothpick stuck right in the pupil. Sherlock leaned closer, "hmm"-ing. "Whatever you're thinking," John warns, "stop. I'm tired of cleaning vitreous humor out of the microwave."

Sherlock stands up straight, a definite look of annoyance on his face. But he doesn't push the issue. Instead, he wanders into the other room of the museum's bottom floor.

It's more of the same, really: varying body parts in different degrees of health all in jars. John points to a jar of eyeballs on a high shelf. "Suddenly I'm homesick."

"It was an experiment!"

"In how to ruin the microwave? She put that on our rent, you know. And the toilet from that severed hand fiasco--and no, I meant it then, and I mean it now: _I don't want to know_."

"Science is messy," says Sherlock simply, as if this explains everything.

"Hadn't noticed," John replies, looking at a collection of multi-colored organs. One of them is a striking blue. "Pretty."

"That's a lung, John."

"Yes, I know. I did attend medical school." He looks at it a bit longer, tracing the feathery capillaries with his eyes. "Doesn't mean it's not pretty."

Sherlock is about to make a comment about appreciating the beauty found in biology when young couple comes charging in: a tall, wiry man and his overly-bleached blonde girlfriend. "This is fuckin' disgustin'," says the blonde, her nose wrinkling. "Why'd'ja bring me here?"

"It's interesting," replies the man.

"They have _babies_ in _jars_. It's not 'interesting', it's _fucked up_. Whoever came up with this museum is a freak."

"The Mutter guy," says the man. "The big painting when you first come in."

"Mütter," Sherlock corrects.

"What?" They both turn

"The umlaut over the U. It's pronounced 'ooo'."

Blank stares.

"It's on the pamphlet," Sherlock adds, though probably not to be helpful.

The man turns to his girlfriend. "What the hell--"

"Let's go back upstairs." John grabs Sherlock by the arm and drags him out of the room, skirting around a group of schoolgirls in navy jumpers and differently-colored shoelaces.

Once upstairs, they wander into the room adjoining the top main room and are greeted by a large gray mummy who looked to be perpetually screaming.

"'Soap Lady'," Sherlock reads. He skims the rest of the sign, glancing back at the mummified woman. "Interesting... supposedly her burial conditions changed her fat to a soap-like substance."

John is looking at the shrunken heads. "Again, whatever ideas you're getting, _no_."

Sherlock lets loose a petulant huff and forcefully sticks his hands in his coat pockets. He goes to find John.

John is in the other room, looking at the array of medical machinery implemented throughout the ages. There are wicker wheelchairs and electroshock machines encased in heavy walnut. Birthing chairs (both he and Sherlock skip that one) and spectroscopes.

They ended up in the gift shop, the museum quite suddenly over. John blinked at the selection. "Is that..."

"Soap in the shape of the Soap Lady, yes," Sherlock finishes. He grins mischievously. "Shall we get one for Mrs. Hudson?"

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at my LiveJournal (academyaward.livejournal.com). Different screen names. All me. :)


End file.
